This reminded me of my own story, when I was 15 and had phimosis. I was embarrassed to talk about it with anyone, so in my desperation I posted about it on a forum that claimed to help kids in need of help. Someone responded and gave me instructions that they claimed had a high success rate at treating the condition.
I followed the instructions for a few months and it fixed it. I went back and sent the biggest thanks to the responder. I did not expect to get any help from a random forum.
There has to be swathes of kids struggling with "embarrassing" (in quotes, because they actually aren't embarrassing at all) issues like this. I hope today's internet can provide help to the ones that have nobody to discuss them with.
Start small, with things that don't require any preparation or commitment. Go walk a bit, aimlessly. It's a difficult time for you and you might simply need to back off for a bit. Eat well, sleep, exercise.
Definitely avoid any social media, youtube, etc. I'd suggest to limit your screen usage to just your work-life. You do not want to compare yourself with people who are not in your position. Spending time on the internet is not fulfulling.
Once you have a healthy daily routine down (which you might have already), a lifehack is to challenge yourself to get good at something that you would never have imagined yourself doing. The idea is that you will fill your head with thoughts about how to improve, rather than thinking about other things which might be too much to process right now. This is why the "start lifting" suggestions work. You don't have to lift, but simply set some random goal. Avoid trying to achieve some big ambition that you've always had.
Once you're on this path, with time you will recalibrate. It seems you are a social person and I bet you will find other people to connect with.
From my own experience, switching from a remote job to an in-office job helped when I felt too isolated. The job market is tough (from what I've heard), so you can check if you could join a coworking space or simply go to the local library to work. I've had friends that are happy to just work together in the same space.
The point of my response is not to tell you "how to be alone", but helpful advice if you want to make changes to your life, if you are unsatisfied with it. If you are unhappy, you could fill all your time thinking about how unhappy you are. It's not helpful, though. For now, find ways to fill your time, and while you do that, I truly believe you will find your footing again.
I review PRs daily and people are pushing changes that have basic problems, not to talk about more serious flaws. The amount of code an engineer can produce is higher, but it's also less thought through.
There will be more code with lower quality. If you want to be valued for your expertise, you need to find niches where quality has to stay high. In a lot of the SaaS-world, most products do not require perfection, so more slop is acceptable.
Or you can accept the slop, grind out however more years you need to retire, and in the meanwhile find some new passion.
I've taken mental health leave (not due to a PIP) and my productivity before and after was significantly different. It was great for my employer that I took it. I'm quite sure I would've eventually ended up with a PIP if I hadn't taken it sooner myself, and the best remedy on a PIP would have been to take mental health leave. Not as a strategy as such, but literally because it would have been the best solution (and I think the only one).
Yes, exactly. Taking mental health leave should be seen as a positive step: an opportunity to overcome whatever difficulties you've been facing, leading to - amongst many other benefits - better performance at work.
Mental health problems are tricky; they tend to creep up on us gradually, and often some form of external trigger is needed in order to prompt us to seek help. So it shouldn't be at all surprising that an employee in receipt of a PIP might take mental health leave as part of a genuine effort to improve their situation.
gp's cynical "counterfactual" suggests that they view PIPs as being purely a sham, intended to always result in dismissal rather than improved performance. Now, that might occasionally be true - but we should be blaming the abusive employer (who is likely acting outside the law) in that situation, not the employee.
Remember what? That people have different preferences, workflows and methods of staying productive?
Someone voiced that they liked a certain tool for a certain feature and suddenly we are judging them for it? I like that people share their thoughts and opinions.
Central to it being that you consider it unjust. The other option is to take into consideration the perspective of the maintainers, find their feedback to be just and then decide whether you want to contribute in the manner that they expect or you're not ready to do that kind of work.
You don't have to stop loving a project just because you're not ready to put in the work that the maintainers expect you to put in.
When I open a PR without discussing it at all beforehand with anyone, I expect the default to be that it gets rejected. It's fine by me, because it's simply easier for me to open a PR and have it be rejected than to find the people I need to talk to and then get them all onboard. I accounted for that risk when I chose the path I took.
> When I open a PR without discussing it at all beforehand with anyone, I expect the default to be that it gets rejected.
TNG S2E8, "A Matter Of Honor" is about this topic. The submitter introduced risk on the maintainers (the risk being here largely eating up the maintainers time needlessly) by working in isolation and only presenting the finished work without any feedback or awareness from the rest of the participants.
I followed the instructions for a few months and it fixed it. I went back and sent the biggest thanks to the responder. I did not expect to get any help from a random forum.
There has to be swathes of kids struggling with "embarrassing" (in quotes, because they actually aren't embarrassing at all) issues like this. I hope today's internet can provide help to the ones that have nobody to discuss them with.