If the team is good it could pay off to continue working with them. Not that I would condone physical violence and I definitely suggest a less blunt approach, but here is how Charlie Watts solved the problem for him:
> On one occasion, according to Richards, Mick was in the mood to do some recording -- at five in the morning -- so he called Watts on the phone and said, "Where's my drummer?" Says Richards, these were the days when Mick's ego had gotten onto everyone's nerves, that it seemed all was about him.
> Watts got into his car and 20 minutes later arrived at the place. When Keith opened the door Watts walked right past him, went over to Mick, picked him up by the lapel and slugged him in the face. "Never call me your drummer again."
I understand that negative feeling. Coming from a non technical person or role, what wording would be better ? Developer ? Software architect (its different but let's assume non technical people don't understand the difference), code monkey ? What would be the best term we can find for our profession?
Engineer or developer is pretty accurate if you want to be nonspecific. Most of us have roles at any given time, as well as more long-term specializations, just like you don't have generic PhDs, scientists, etc, and it's usually better to identify those traits, than say something generic.
"Coding" irks me as well. Probably because it's used uniquely by outsiders, in my experience. I tried to ponder more about why the word might be inappropriate for what we do, but didn't get anywhere. There's that obvious difference with the word "to program", that "to program" identifies what we do, but "coding" identifies what we use. Another aspect, is that "code" is probably a leftover from the paper card programming days, where source code was very cryptic. Now we use programming languages, which are readable, so suddenly the meaning "something cryptic" of the word "code" isn't appropriate anymore. Of course, you could say that coding refers to the fact that all programming is conversion of intent into some form of messages, like processor instructions or ones and zeroes. In that sense a synonym for coder could be intent digitizer. A bit more sci-fi.
I am a coder/programmer/developer/engineer/whatever it is called, and find "coder" and "coding" is fine. I am actually surprised to hear that "coder" has some negative connotations, despite working in that industry for quite many years.
You have multiple options, this is how to choose one:
1. "software engineer" (might drop the "software" for specific roles like "front-end engineer" or "machine learning engineer" etc.) - use this for people who value their education/fancy-degree and/or who pride on code-quality, low bug/defects rate, reliability etc. and they'll love it!
2. "software developer" - use this for people priding on craftmanship and "ability to ship the right stuff on time" no-respect-for degrees etc. and they'll love it!
2b. feel free to mix up (1) and (2) and nothing bad will happen :) also using (1) or (2) instead of others will tend not offend, just show that the person using it is clueless a bit.
3. "programmer" - this is the most direct / no-bullshit term for people who hate fancy extra words and pride on practicality and getting stuff done (but it might offend ppl with fancy degrees or make them feel devalued - never use it for a PhD unless you know beforehand he/she would approve)
4. "software architect" (this is a dangerous one) - can be used to boost the self-confidence of smart but terribly insecure people (use it sparingly bc some might be pushed tot he other extreme and end up with over inflated egos bc of this... better add "senior" before "engineer", it's more honest, what we call "architecture" in software is closer to "structural engineering planning" or smth, very far off from what building architects do) ...also practical senior no-bullshit people might be offended if someone junior to them gets this title!
5. "code monkey" ...the '99 bubble is over man, like 20 years ago, forget about this, unless you're in SV or other hip place and some club/group uses it for nostalgic-value ...otherwise it's offensive, and God have mercy on your soul if you mistakenly use it in a place where ppl are unused to it and at the same time to refer to someone with non-white skin color!
6. "coder" - might be acceptable in some places, but it's also cunningly devaluing (see sister comment for details)... unless you have the malevolent intent of "placing a hint of their personal irrelevance in someone's mind while at the same time avoiding to offend them" please avoid it! (might be the worst of all actually, bc nobody can complain but at the same time you spray them with a depressing hint of their inferiority while mildly boosting your superiority and subtly lowering everyone's morale at the same time... and then as a manager you end up asking yourself in the end why it all turned to shit despite you being "such an awesome and nice guy")
It says a lot about how these people see themselves within a team, and it's the kind of team I don't want to work in.