I think that some people are missing a layer of abstraction and they cannot tell whether they want to have a coffee or not until they actually start planning it, and once they are in that mental zone, they assess how they feel about things.
This gets mixed up with the whole dance "I want to measure how much you care about having a coffee with me". We're social creatures so negotiation of your position in the hierarchy is very fucking important. You invite to a coffee someone who's from the same or higher social class. You accept invitations from the same or higher social class. Stronger signal "I really want to have a coffee with you" corresponds with bigger difference in hierarchy. Your goal is to game the system so that you're at the top - everyone invites you for a coffee, you decline all invitations. Actually meeting for a coffee is basically failure of diplomacy. People are subconsciously, without any awareness at all, creating very elaborate strategies to this game.
This gets mixed up with the whole dance "I want to measure how much you care about having a coffee with me". We're social creatures so negotiation of your position in the hierarchy is very fucking important. You invite to a coffee someone who's from the same or higher social class. You accept invitations from the same or higher social class. Stronger signal "I really want to have a coffee with you" corresponds with bigger difference in hierarchy. Your goal is to game the system so that you're at the top - everyone invites you for a coffee, you decline all invitations. Actually meeting for a coffee is basically failure of diplomacy. People are subconsciously, without any awareness at all, creating very elaborate strategies to this game.